Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   "We're so in Love." - People that I hope get hit by a bus.

   FB just set a record for most people online ever in the last 30 minutes!!

   People who drive slower up hills know how cars work,,, right?

   The problem with money is too much of it belongs to people who aren’t me.

   @simoncholland: Favorite part of Facebook is people believing 1.3 billion divided by 300 million = 4.3 million WHEN THERE IS A CALCULATOR ON THEIR PHONE!

   Can't wait for Game of Thrones. During this election it'll be refreshing to watch people competing for a crown in a more civilized way.

   Women are the only people who can go out to bar broke but come home drunk.

   Sorry for drunk texting you again last night. I assure you that I didn't mean what I said, unless you feel the same way

   Has it occurred to ANYONE that if you can organize that many people to protest, you can organize that many people to help build businesses, clean up your streets? Where's that rally?

   Some people dream of doing great things with their lives, my dream is to have an alpaca named Al Pacacino.

   Does anyone know a phone number to a good psychiatrist?.Oh it's not for me, it's for the people who still believe they'll get a check from Bill Gates for sharing and reposting a chain letter to all their friends.

   Today I ask God for patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance, because Lord only knows if I ask for strength I might beat them to death...

   Place a "DRY PAINT" sign on a park bench. And watch how many people avoid sitting on the bench.

   have you ever noticed that there are some people that don't need to be on facebook. They either inadvertenly cause drama, or they are prone to the late night drunken facebook status updates

   I don't understand some elevator people... Do you really think pushing the elevator button more than once makes it move faster?

   On the right side of my facebook it says people you may know. Everytime I click it there are bartenders and Hooters girls on the top of the list... Am I doing something wrong?

   The things I do to impress people probably impresses me the most

   Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again we're going to have to let you go."

   I found my girlfriend dead the other day. She just laid there lifeless so I decided to boink her one last time. Then all of a sudden she jumped up and shouted 'BOO!' I swear some people are just sick in the head!

   A drunk walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "You can stay but don't try to start anything."