Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm a Twinkie in a Dingdong world !

   Just had a bunch of Persian food for lunch. It was so delicious, but now I falafel.

   Folks should be made aware of the difference between want and need. Example: I want a hot body, but I need pizza.

   If you open a doughnut shop and don't name it "Hole Foods" well, what's the matter with you?

   At the end of the day the most overused phrase is at the end of the day.

   ‪The leading cause of divorce is marriage.‬

   If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.

   Word of the Day: Hippocampus - A college or university where a significant number of students are overweight.

   I believe in Santa! but I'm not so sure if he believes in me?

   Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

   I don’t even care who wins this Maroon 5 concert

   Ladies in Atlanta this weekend, every big dude is not an NFL player, don't get knocked up by the cook from Waffle House

   I want to go big AND go home.

   What kind of psycho wears pants in their own home?

   filled the lip gloss with crazy glue, it is gonna be a quiet and peaceful week for sure.

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, "Who's Siri?"

   Hey, little regular fry in with my curly fries. Just be yourself, buddy.

   Findings from meetings and conferences: "The only thing that often comes out of a meeting is the people who went in."

   RIP Chewbacca aka Peter Mayhew. I’d like to say a few words if I may. RAAARAWWARARWAAAR.