Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Gotta love Facebook. I can update my status, post pictures and even chat with numerous people.....and nobody knows I'm not wearing any pants.

   don't go outside, people talk to you. i'm still shaking.

   The pollen is so bad this year that the people in the trailer parks are turning their crystal meth back into Sudafed.

   When I'm at the mall, I carry a purse around so people think I have a girlfriend

   I hate it when the people who owe me money post about how much they got back from the IRS..............

   Renee Zellweger and Kristen Stewart, drunk or high?

   People who say "like a boss" obviously don’t know what they are talking about because a typical boss does things half assed and incorrectly, only to turn around and blame others.

   Of all the people I turn down for sex, I think my husband’s my favorite

   The purpose of fruit flies; to make people look insane, grabbing at the air like they are hallucinating.

   the most successful people are those who are good at plan B.

   Facebook should change the "Friends" section to "Friends & People I've Only Made Eye Contact With".

   having people over for dinner. They asked what they could bring, I said dinner,

   people will hate you, rate you, break you, and shake you. how strong you stand is what makes you.

   Some people would be in such good shape if they ran as much as their mouth does

   Hey elderly people, nobody takes you seriously until you've put tennis balls on your walker.

   Man people are really beating this Rodney king story to death

   I'm sorry that I blocked you while I was drunk last night........ but I couldn't figure out how to do it while I was sober. I hope you understand.

   No! for the last time stop asking if I am drunk… I am not drunk! Who would name their kid drunk?

   People on morning radio shows find everything so much funnier than I do.

   Any one can stay true to your face, it's the people who stay true behind your back that really count.