Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   You know you were drunk last night when you cooked pizza for 200 minutes at 18 degrees

   12 years of the Patriot Act and now people are upset about Verizon?

   does not understand why people say "if I won the lottery, I would still work"....im 100% sure I could find better things to do...especially when I'm rich

   People will always have an opinion about you. Whether positive or negative. They will tell you to your face or behind your back. Do what makes you happy. Live your life to the fullest. Life is too short to worry about someone's opinions.

   Dear "cool people", they didn't name a candy after you, did they? Sincerely, nerds.

   I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.

   I don't care if people call you the space cowboy, gangster of love or Maurice. I think you're delusional.

   Spend life with the people who make you happy, not the people who you have to impress.

   Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?

   THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends. Come on people...it's grammar, not rocket science.

   Timehop... reminding us that the stupid people we know today were just as stupid 5 years ago.

   People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics

   Some people seem to read the Bible a lot as they get older. Maybe they think they're cramming for their finals.

   Some people sing to plants to help them grow. That's one reason I scream at the top of my lungs the entire time I mow.

   ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....

   If I could slow down real life , like the fights scenes on a fighting movie . I would punch people more often .

   If I were invisible the first thing I would do would be to beat the crap out of a mime. The people would love it!

   A lot of people constantly complain about Monday's, Tuesday's and Wednesday's being the worst part of the week, I have discovered that with the right mix of Jack Daniels and sleeping pills those days no longer have to happen.

   Beware of people who tell you to "get a life". They may want the one you already have.

   It took civilization thousands of years to get us off the farm, and Facebook just one year to send people back.