Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Findings from meetings and conferences: "The only thing that often comes out of a meeting is the people who went in."

   Me: Sometimes I wonder if people don't like me Therapist: That's where I can help Me: Great Therapist: They don't

   Perhaps it wasn't a good idea to hold a referendum with the same people who came up with "Boaty McBoatface."

   People should be indicted for putting raisins and walnuts in coleslaw.

   Remember when people had to entertain themselves on the toilet with a rotary phone.

   We need to have a WORKemon GO Game ... Where people get out and walk around looking for a JOB.

   I have nothing in common with people who wash, dry, fold and put their laundry away the same day.

   I don't know why people freak out and run when they see a spider. They are just gonna climb in your mouth when you are sleeping anyway.

   I hate people who use big words just to make themselves look perspicacious.

   If our children don't learn cursive, how will they ever be able to read those inspirational tattoos people put on their ribs?

   Every date is the first date if you get black out drunk every time.

   There's a few people that I wouldn't mind haveing installed on my driveway as speed bumps..

   Until this recent Facebook trend I would have never guessed how many people were behind me in line with a gun under their shirt..

   The number of weeks sisnce giving up coffee is directly proportional to the number of people I've wanted to stab.

   So, if 4 out of 5 people suffer some medical condition, does that mean the other 1 person enjoys it?

   Beginning to think that all of these people giving pro tips aren't actually experts in their respective fields.

   A snake can shed its skin, but it will always be a snake. Remember that before allowing people back into your life.

   Never trust people who try and trick you into eating healthy.

   Used to think drunk texting ex girlfriends was a bad thing than I started sober texting ex girlfriends.

   That moment when you realize that the people you regarded as gods .... turn out to be nothing more than corrupt men.