Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   If someone tells you you can’t do something, ignore them. That’s how people trick you into doing things.

   Numbers don’t mean anything to me. I’m here for the deep abiding friendships with people who haven’t blocked me yet

   If your wife offers to cook you eggs and bacon at 3 in the morning, it’s not your wife and you’re at the Waffle House drunk again.

   Do people still say Okie Dokie or is it just me?? 🤔🤔🤔

   People that get, “the most votes in history” don’t raid their opponent’s homes. But election stealers do.

   Why do people have to get ready for bed? I’m always ready for bed

   At Christmas time it's fun to take a new Lexus for a test drive, put a big red bow on it & pull into random people's driveways honking.

   What people need are Café Mocha Marijuana Latte's. . .

   Has anybody ever actually gotten salmonella from eating raw cookie dough or are people just trying to stop me from living my life?

   I don't mind helping people as long as I'm not slightly inconvenienced.

   Some people wake up and feel like a million bucks. Me? I wake up feeling like insufficient funds.

   My sandal invention for people with one leg turn out to be a flop.

   Maybe people would be more concerned about saving the planet if chocolate and coffee were on the endangered list.

   my great great grandfather: I cleared 40 acres by hand and grew food to feed people. My father: I fought WWII and ended the horror. Me: I think $9.99/month might be too much for Spotify.

   Today my yoga teacher was really drunk, which put me in an awkward position.

   Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic's, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.

   I don't mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...

   Love this time of year when I can dig graves in my front yard and people think it's just a cute Halloween display.

   The Lion King is the best way that people from Michigan can see a group of Lions come together and win

   One day an iPhone is going to explode, and Android people are going to be like, “Samsung has had this feature for years”.