Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Not today, people with initiative. Not today.

   Do not drink and drive...because there are people out there who text and drive and they will hit you and it will be your fault!!!

   People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

   If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people work out and absorb the benefits for myself.

   People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.

   Don't underestimate stupid people. They outnumber us.

   Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.

   I want to live on a deserted island. Not because it's tropical, but because I hate people.

   The paypal card reader is now available. So now people who sell weed and other illegal substances can now accept all major credit cards.

   People who say I am hard to shop for evidently don't know where to buy beer.

   People who always use analogies are like a mosquito in your sleeping bag.

   wants to thank the people that posted those 'Yeah Favre Retired!' Status's last week. Thanks to you, I now know who NOT to get my NFL updates from."

   This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.

   People tell me to Get a Grip, then they get all pissed off when I put my hands around their neck.

   Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don't

   I can't wait til the Presidential race ends so we can stop hating people for their politics and go back to hating people because they're jerks

   It's not the people who vote that counts, it's the people who count the votes!

   'Half the world is made up of people with something to say but can't & the other half is made up of people with nothing to say but keep on saying it anyway.'

   Bed Bath & Beyond sells like 7 things that people actually buy and then just a bunch of other stuff that's been there since 1998.

   it's unfortunate that most people will never run out of things to say.