Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Those mattress commercials with the people fake sleeping without covers would be more believable with a lonely housewife getting jack hammered by the pool boy.

   Hey Cougars, FYI: drunk h0rny guys will go home with anyone. You're actually not that special.

   I'm going to be very busy in the afterlife. the list of people I'm going to haunt grows everyday.

   saying, some people.... need a daily dose of... shut the f**k up!!!

   I love it when people say they haven't evacuated during a hurricane because they had to protect their homes. Who the hell do they think they are? Superman?

   A statement on the entrance to a graveyard: This place is full of people who thought that the world can't do without them.

   Sometimes I feel like people I know are just using me for my likes.

   Some people might as well post ‘Wants Attention' as their Facebook status.

   The more I get to know other people, the less I hate myself.

   If you say married people aren't having sex, you have obviously never sat in a hotel bar & watched them pick up strangers.

   Nothing like sitting back and watching the people who stabbed you in the back fall apart.

   A slew of people aren't using the word "slew" enough.

   Almost 7 billion people on the planet and I find about 10 of them somewhat tolerable once in a while.

   Being too nice to people will make them take advantage of you. Being disrespectful will make them loath you. Not getting to know them in the first place will spare you both.

   I would say at least 3% of my life has been spent talking to dogs that are in other people's cars.

   I don't understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there's so heavy.

   I think people can be politically correct all they want. As long as they shut the f#ck up about it. . .

   Moving to a new place and people will have a compulsion to say, "but, you won't know anybody there." Like that's a bad thing.

   ATTENTION : All position for stupid people in my life ,have been filled ,no more applicants need apply. Thank You !

   Did you ever notice some people with the lowest moral compass and zero integrity suddenly become 'karma experts' when things don't go their way?