Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I'm glad I've got boobs. The last thing I want is people making eye contact with me.

   Hey people still doing fireworks. My dog hates you.

   This just enforces the belief that people with mullets should not be raising children.

   I think it's pretty cool how Chinese people made a language made entirely out of tattoos.

   If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis.

   I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people

   performing random acts of kindness today to totally mess with people

   The problem with some people is that they’re alive.

   I love how the internet has improved people's grammar far more then any English teacher has. If you write "your" instead of "you're" in a English class all you get is a red mark.... Mess up on the Internet just once, and may God have mercy on your soul.

   Angry Birds is going to be turned into an animated series. If it's anything like the game an episode will be 30 seconds long, played 20 times in a row, and sure to piss people off.

   I believe in love at first sight....which is exactly why I stopped looking homeless people in the eyes. Just cant risk it.

   When a cop gets killed in the line of duty, people say "Well, he knew the job was dangerous when he took it." Why can't we use that same logic on criminals who get shot by cops? "Well, he knew if he committed a crime he might get shot....."

   Why is it that the same people who are upset about a sports announcer named Robert Lee were perfectly OK with a president whose middle name was Hussein?

   Gay or straight doesn't matter. What matters here is funny jokes! Come on people, my facebook friends are starting to think I've run out of funny sayings.

   I hate when people inbox me to tell me how funny my status es are... Motherf*cker there is a "like" button for a reason!

   Most people don’t realize this… But, you can eat organic, gluten-free food without telling everyone about it.

   Dont forget to pay your taxes this year so the Government can give it to people that dont work as hard as you...

   America has got to be the only country in the world where people need energy drinks to sit in front of a computer.

   I agree that some people might have been dropped on their head as a baby....but some people were clearly thrown against a wall

   grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I killed because they were annoying.