Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Before I know I'm in for a hellacious night of drinking, I try to plan a few common sense things out ahead of time, like a hotel or a DD or something like that. There's always one variable I forget, though - I'm an invincible moron when I'm drunk.

   I hope I never get Alzheimer's... I hate the thought of other people thinking that I should be remembering something that I'm not sure I would want to remember in the first place.

   What is about public restrooms that make people go, "Yeah, I'm just not going to flush"

   People who wear masks while driving are the reason why Pop Tarts come with instructions.

   What is it about warm weather that compels people to blast really loud, annoying bass lines out of their car stereos? You can't even hear what song they're playing except for, "DOUCHE-DOUCHE DOOOOUCHE! DOUCHE-DOUCHE DOOOOUCHE!"

   I just don't get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up.

   Sometimes I go down to the Home Depot and pick up day laborers in my truck just to have people to drink with. Hop in, amigos. It's Miller time.

   Why yes, I will be getting drunk tonight! Thanks for asking!

   Maybe fake people will pretend to be real on Halloween.

   I'm pretty sure the best thing about Facebook is the ability to read other people's fights.

   Some damn people would not be born if alcohol was never invented.

   greeting all the Single People a very Happy Independence Day!!

   Why is it that people who are the most vocal about demanding respect are the ones who have done the least to earn it?

   I may not be able to walk straight, but I can drunk dial... Like a boss.

   Drive careful studies show that 89% of all people are caused by accidents

   People who gossip need to get their own life, those who listen and believe it need to get a life.

   when I was younger I thought it was so important that I impress my peers, now that I am older it is amazing how much those people really don't matter.

   There are 3 kinds of people in this world. Ones who make things happen, ones who watch things happen, and ones who wondered what happened.....

   I've always been taught to be patient, but now I'm worried that I'm just encouraging idiots to waste people's time.

   I know I'm drunk when it takes me longer than three seconds to figure out what's happening when I walk through a fan blowing air at me