Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Do midgets get ticked off because their miniature golf courses are overrun by normal sized people?

   Filled out the "Are You Depressed?" questionnaire and it turns out I just have mild diabetes and the desire to shoot people in the face.

   We can bailout Big Banks, but we can save an American Iconic Twinkie factory from going out of business??? Priorities People!!!!

   Do people literally just sit there and think about Trump ALL DAY long? My lord people. Watch Netflix, go outside, go to work, eat an apple, have sex, call a friend, do laundry, smoke pot, buy a truck, plan a trip, rob an old lady, cook jello, use a port a

   Dating sites should have a section for people to leave a review for the person they went out with.

   Martin Luther King would be rolling over in his grave if he knew people were trying to equate his legacy with #BlackLivesMatter felons.

   LAPD are looking for a black guy who shot some people. so far, they have 3 million suspects...

   I like to scare deaf people by yawning.

   if you're 40+ and never married, just say you're divorced so people won't think there's something wrong with you...

   A lot of people don't realize that Shania Twain's father, Mark, was actually a pretty good writer.

   Dear KFC, Why are all the people in your commercials thin? Sincerely, highly suspect.

   Thank you everyone who group text me with Merry Christmas. I just woke up to hundreds of "you too" texts from people I don't know....fml

   I like people the most when I'm by myself.

   Almost 60,000 people from Glastonbury area sign petition asking Glastonbury Festival planners to cancel Kanye West performance. The citizen's petition states "Beyonce would be better"

   You know what’s more annoying than worrying about a cop pulling you over? People who buy old refurbished cop cars and keep the spotlight attached. We all hate you.

   Intellegent people are often ostracized and shunned by most in society because everyone else is either stupid, uneducated or lacking basic critical thinking skills.

   If the driving ability of people on the road today is any indicator of the future of society, we are doomed.

   Whenever I drive past the psychic's empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.

   I don't mind sharing the highway with other people. I just wish they'd use the part behind me.

   Look at it this way... If Walmart didn't exist, those people could shop ANYWHERE.