Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   People with narrow minds usually have broad tongues.

   Some people rake leaves, others blow them. I prefer the flamethrower, it's fun for the whole neighborhood.

   Sometimes I wish there was a zombie apocalypse just so I can hit a certain few people in the face with a shovel.

   Too many people live for compliments, instead of accomplishments.

   U know I bet people would become a lot nicer if they sold people tags like they sell deer tags. Once a year you can buy a tag and take out that 1 special person

   Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth? - I do, as long as you get me drunk or take me back to my childhood.

   Some people's opinion doesnt matter and quite frankly never will..

   McDonald's should have an express drive thru lane just for people who need french fries.

   "I wasn't that Drunk" "Dude, you told me to give you a ride home... when the party was at your house."

   Be comfortable in your own skin, only serial killers are comfortable in other people's skin.

   To the people who have birthdays this week... your parents sure know how to celebrate Valentine's Day!

   Loneliness can make you do some strange people.

   Sorry I drunk dialed you at 10am.

   If you don’t want people asking for rides again, say yes the first time but don’t show up.

   If Facebook has taught us anything, it's that a lot of people are not quite ready for a Spelling Bee.

   Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?

   If ignorance is bliss then there's a crap load of people in paradise....

   You just don’t see people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.

   If you say "I shouldn't be telling you this" at the beginning of a conversation people will pay attention to you.

   Facebook has taught me people don't get most jokes unless you put them over a picture and call it a meme.