Kisstopher Funny Status Messages
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I saw these two blind guys about to fight and I shouted, "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off.
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Bikinis expose 90% of a woman's body, but men are so decent and well-behaved that they only look at the 10% that is covered.
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RANDOM FACT: Rihanna's face is 70% forehead.
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MOM: “Why is there a condom in your purse?!” DAUGHTER: “I dunno. Would you be happier if you found a baby in my purse instead?”
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Menstruation Day 1. Don't touch me Day 2. Hug me Day 3. Don't talk to me Day 4. Why don't you speak to me? Day 5. You never understand me
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Trillions of stars. Billions of galaxies. So many civilizations. But you’ll never explore one. You’re stuck here on earth hearing about the damn Kardashians.
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I would exercise, but then all the sprinkles would fall off my cupcake.
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Irony of a woman – she spends hours putting on makeup, exotic perfume, expensive jewellery and outfit but when people finally look at her the first thing they say, "Wow nice a$$"
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I was talking to this girl at the bar last night and she said, ''If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and a haircut, you'd look civilized and I would talk to you''. And I said, ''If I did all that then I would be talking to your hotter friend”
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Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.
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Every day is a struggle to come to terms with the fact that they chose Tobey Maguire to play Spiderman.
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Ran into a PETA nut while walking my dogs. He said my dogs were my slaves. Wonder if he noticed I'm the one carrying their poop in a bag?
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Condoms should change to different colors according to whatever disease they come in contact with.
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Love is a sacred thing meant just for two. But there's always that one slut who doesn't know how to count.
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Chess says everything about men and women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
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If video games make you violent, does monopoly make you a millionaire?
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When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.
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Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely
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So I met this prostitute who said she'd do anything for $10. Guess who got his car washed?
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Nobody cleans a house faster than a guy expecting sex.
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