Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Whoever said, "Out of sight, out of mind" never had a spider disappear in the bedroom.

   Dman is a Dbag

   They should've never given jig-a-boos and women the right to vote.

   I never thought it’d be cheaper to paint avocados for Easter but here we are.

   Wait, those two douchbags have 19 children from EIGHT different women lol. Shut up with your Jesus bullsh*t 😂

   yawA oG aciaemA ekaM AGAM

   Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she's not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a great catch!

   Why don't the enemies of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles just flip them on their backs?

   I was an atheist until I realized I was a sex god!!!!!!!!!!!

   Too old for SnapChat. Too young for Life Alert.

   30 years later and millions of Cabbage Patch Kids still have no clue they were adopted.

   4 days sober! Not in a row just total in 2025

   SOMETHING YOU WILL NEVER SEE ICE ROUNDING UP THE CEO'S WHO ILLEGALY EXPLOITED UNDOCUMENTED WORKERS

   The way Pop-Tart icing holds up in the toaster is both oddly fascinating and unsettling.

   We're completely fine with fetus killing. As long as they're US fetuses. Because they're unimportant and irrelevant. It's like the Michael Jackson song. Kill em all, make the world a better place, for you and for me and the entire human race 🎵

   Being kissed while you're asleep is one of the purest forms of love. Unless of course you're in prison.

   Look guys! I know I've been bad. I've said and posted things many of you have found to be unfavorable. However, with your help and a little bit of encouragement, I can become so much worse.

   I've been having some financial problems. I'm so broke I owe myself money.

   Dman is a tranny

   The embarrassing car sales stunt on the White House lawn didn't work. "Tesler's" stock lost another $50 billion in market value in 2 days LOLLLL