Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   You gonna eat your butter? No one ever said.

   To all my friends who are committed: Happy Valentine's Day! And to all my friends who are single: Happy Independence Day!

   The NY Times estimate of how many would die from USAID cuts *this year* is staggering. Two million from AIDS relief cuts, half a million from vaccine cuts from food aid cuts each, 600,000 from of malaria and tuberculosis cuts.... are we having fun yet?

   GaryKoenig's ignorance is surpassed only by his ability to not come up with anything original. Thievery at its most intrinsic level

   You know someone has made no valid points when they end their responses with LMAOOOO and LOLZZZZZ. It's a beautiful thing to know we've bested the loser.

   Q. Know what? A. That's what! That's funny, right?

   Democraps fought tooth and nail to stop people from handing out bottles of water while in line to vote, but now they are totally fine with a billionaire offering them money for votes?

   Generic Viagra. Same medicine at a lower price. No bones about it.

   What I do not realize is actually how you're not really a lot more well-preferred than you may be right now. You're very intelligent. You know therefore considerably in the case of this topic, produced me for my part believe it from numerous numerous angl

   Sports Goal celebrations: Basketball: so common it’s boring. Baseball: HR gets you a high-5 Football: endzone tik tok dance so teeny bopper GF can post it Soccer: run, scream, slide, tear shirt off

   When you put an even number of socks in the washer but take an odd number out, that's because one of them ran away. And when you see a wet sock in a storm drain, that's one who tried but didn't make it.

   Duck cluck

   If you die and get cremated you can be put into an hourglass and still be included in family game night.

   I picked the wrong week to start my high altitude balloon tours

   Little people gets paid under the table

   September Alzheimers and Dementia awareness month. Everybody forgets it.

   What came first, Chickens who lay small eggs? Or dishonest egg packaging companies who put small eggs in cartons marked large?

   I've been so busy these last few days that I haven't had any time to study quantum physics. I just can't be everywhere at once.

   The same crowd claiming Kendrick Lamar had an important message, is the same crowd who ignored Martin Luther King Jr's message.

   Weather