Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Don't quote me on this, but I would not be surprised if Trump and Putin have shared a sexual encounter in the past. Even just a mutual hand job. It's so obvious.

   Just got home from Oklahoma. It was OK.

   Trump Soup: Start with lots of nuts, add some Tweeted mistruths, heat and spin until it is a laughing stock. Discard any creditability before servng.

   Many talented foreigners move to the US because there's far less competition there. Now you know 😆

   Could someone direct me tothe better states message board

   Customer service in 2024: "I don't know the answer and neither does anybody else. I suggest that you call back another time. Now before I let you go, is there anything else I can help you with?"

   Saving daylight? Who am I, Superman?

   I miss the days when Иiggers knew their place.

   Good Day @everyone. our College Orientation & Research Symposium will be re schedule

   Every day is St. Patrick's Day when you're a drunk who likes to pinch people.

   I try my best to be a thoughtful husband. So, I surprised my wife with a new bag and belt for Christmas ! The old vacuum cleaner is gonna run like new now .

   Lamer*ca's about to become his seventh bankruptcy.

   Tonight is the best night of the year to have relations with the old lady…you can set performance records if you start at 1:58 am🤪

   Million dollar idea. Pizza toppings on the bottom, will call them Bottomings!

   I don’t want your pity sandwiches. I mean I’m still gonna eat them and enjoy them. But I don’t want them.

   Did you know? Every letter “C” in the words “Pacific Ocean” is pronounced differently.

   Everyone my age already on baby no 3 I'm still on Mambo no 5

   You know Its bad when you give them a custom ringtone LOL

   Already messed up 2024. Maybe 2025 will be my year.

   This Sunday, Daylight Saving Time begins. We don't save any daylight. It gets stolen from the morning and is given to the evening. Daylight Stealing Time.