Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Donald Trump is a Tarrifist !

   I have Tourettes syndrome, but instead of swearing, I yell out movies that Nicolas Cage has been in

   I'd try Taco Bell's breakfast but I don't start drinking that early.

   HE FOLDED AGAIN!!!! 😂 And markets are surging NOT because his strategy worked, but because he finally threw in the towel on a trade war he NEVER had control over.

   You don’t have to be a brilliant economist to realize this was market manipulation. The rich just got richer, and regular Americ*ns lost trillions. But go on. Keep defending him.

   Here's a fact 🤡 he and his buddies made a fortune through insider trading which is now going to be meticulously investigated. You didn't make a penny lmao

   Ed the zebra galloped across Tennessee. The Oilers galloped across Florida’s defense. Both ended up airborne—one in a helicopter, the other in OT euphoria.

   GaryKoenig, please stop with horrible jokes. You're the lamest asshole on social media.

   So you unfollowed me on Facebook. You sure showed me.

   Have you ever had a crowd cheer after you've been kicked out of a store?

   How come no one posts pictures of their kids on the first day of summer school?

   Just saw a 400 pound man holding a sign, "Will work for Food" I wanted to scream out "You need to take a vacation!"

   Joy Reid seemed to be much nicer when she climbed the Empire State Building and those airplanes were going after her.

   ...and the meltdown coninues!

   When I was 7 I found a gun underneath my mom's pillow and All I could think was Damn I can't wait to lose all my teeth !

   My wife wants the living room walls to be something neutral...I'm painting Switzerland

   My wife is not talking to me today because she asked me what the female equivalent of the "mancave" is and I told her it's called the kitchen.

   The Left wants everything in the world to be electric or run on batteries? Start with the border wall!

   Everyone is going on about the pink moon. Somehow, they must've found out that my girlfriend bleached her butthoIe.

   The older you get the happier you are for minor things. I just wanted to brag that I typed "license" on my first try and didn't get tagged by spell check.