Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Everytime Kayne is caught smiling he has to be a cheerleader at a college football game!

   Brush your teeth first before you say my name.

   Suffering is good for the soul.

   Whatever low batter indicator. You aren't the bos

   So I want you Close your eyes and think of something that you either want or need that would make you happy..dissapointing, right?

   If your other half is being cold, try setting them on fire, it never fails

   Every once in a while I'll part way too much to remind myself how much of an idiot I am.

   That's about as pointless as warming up hot sauce in the microwave.

   Peyton faggging

   The apple only falls where you leave it !

   Guys you already got your pu$$y, so if your woman wants a cat, dont stand in her way.

   Ever feel like your being followed ...cause I've been seeing someone behind your back.

   Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will have another beer.

   " Thanks to the white house staff. I now know what cause my Meorex stock to go up."

   My way of asking a girl I like out on a date is to say "Will you run away with me to have coffee?" that works like a charm.

   Just finest remolding my bathroom and just want thank you all for all the selfies and great remolding idea's!

   Standing in the park, I was wondering why a Frisbee gets larger the closer it gets. Then it hit me.

   I call my pen*s 'caution' because when I throw caution to the wind at least it gets blown.

   Clapping is just your right hand beating the sh*t out of your left hand to show that you appreciated something.

   Did you hear of the women vision of Hooter ? it is called Rooster