Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Wayfair is awesome. Not only will I save space with my new Springboro storage cabinet, I'll also qualify for an additional child tax credit next year.

   In ancient greece, throwing an apple at a woman , was considered a MARRIAGE PROPOSAL.......Still it is on.......Throw an Apple iPhone 8 & she will definitely say YES

   My wife is so bad at housekeeping, that our dog buries his bones in our carpet.

   Bose is a Bengali Stereo type.

   Wondering why people who are in Love would want to re-arrange the alphabets "I" and "U" to express their feelings, honestly I don't see a valid reason of doing that whatsoever

   Everyone thinks I dodged a bullet, but I think I shot the gun .

   my car has air conditioning

   Happy 32nd birthday to "Top Gun". need4speed

   my mum always told me never to call it quits...but I rebelled so I just gave my son the name "quits"

   loves dating defense attorneys because they are incredibly good at getting guys off.

   i have a really good feeling this is all just going to be rain!

   "I'm gonna rearrange the alphabet and put "U" and "I" together" ~ Christopher Latham Sholes, inventor of the QWERTY keyboard and only player not totally full of crap.

   Baby I'm a troublemaker, I heard that you're a heartbreaker.

   PRO TIP: Take the wrapper off the fortune cookie before you eat it.

   Note to future husband: reserve Comerica Park for proposal.

   I opened the door and pulled up a chair for you, so we are engaged now.

   Hope john Fox doesn't have another heart attack

   If you have an iPhone ask Siri what's today's holiday lmfao

   Looks like Tony Gonzalez is the new Brett Favre.

   Wondering if there's any good Easter egg hunts to bring the kids to two days after Easter?