Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What is an acceptable age to give a kid a Facebook account as a birthday present?

   I am so happy one of my favourite things is about to start, the ALC series. Another one of my favourite things begins with ALC, ALCOHOL!

   disappointed what had happened on Black Friday! Fully condemned the action

   If milk goes to $8 a gallon its gonna be hard for you ladies to trust anymore.. Cuz you always gonna wonder if he really likes you for you or cuz he loves him some Lucky Charms...

   Western quasi-liberal obsession with 'political correctness' is sick and disgusting almost as h0m0phobia itself.

   She was so inoffensive that didn't used to harm a fly; the problem was I wasn't a fly.

   Fajitas are just tacos that went on to get their medical degree

   :"SH! Football is on". ~ said no Girl ever.

   Fun relationship game: She demands. You supply.

   What is worse than lobsters on your tennis court? Crabs on your balls!

   Mary had a little lamb last night. I had a big lamb. My fat ancestors are dead.

   Cinco de mayo is the celebration of Mexico kicking the repo mans(France) a$$ who they owed money to and winning! It's true look it up!

   the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

   Sometimes when drunk I sleep in a ditch. Doesn’t make me love my bed any less. Actually makes me love it more. See? Cheating isn’t evil.

   RJ.. The tour de France is cool and everything but I think if I was to ever race in it I would definitely come in last not because of my racing abilities but because of my attention span in a beauti...oh wow is that a mom n pop flower shop on the top of t

   The worst part about reggae music is that when they aren’t singing about weed they are singing about how it’s okay to be poor.

   So when you spot violence, or bigotry, intolerance …. You described ‘arrogance’ - rich’s Power Addiction -’ and ‘poverty’ – the poor’s Fight for Survival - !

   I honestly believe the reason I get such a dark tan in the Summer is because I spent so many years working on a Suntan Oil Rig.

   Michael Douglas Has the Perfect Excuse... I have Nothing to say the Cat got My Tongue ..

   I called the Police on my neighbor, but they were on tour and all I could get a hold of was their manager.