Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   ....and THAT is how I won the staring contest against Mt Rushmore.

   If you are a por n addict, it’s not advisable to go to church, coz when the women kneel you anticipate something else.

   waiting for the chinese to develope a way for me to order my food online and not have to listen to their crap anymore.

   Did you know some female spiders eat the male spider after mating? She's like "Ya sure I'll have your babies and you for dinner"

   uses the exclamat!on po!nt a l!ttle too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   staying away from those suckers because they will give you cavities, and keep your grass short so you can see those snakes!!!!!

   Quotations i got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes, hate in my heart, love in my mind

   wonders if who ever reads this would they ever make it to the end.. hehe they finished what losers

   Likes her coffee catffinated

   Now is the time to get ready for 2010! Whatever your plans, write them out and map your way!

   Whenever I fly and there's a little bit of turbulence, all I can think of is that I'm going to die.

   Oh yeah, well this girl I know had her baby shower in the rec room in the projects. I wish it was a joke to, but it is not... lol

   I was talking SOCCER, not RUGBY...Stay on subject...EEJIT!!

   Let's refer these annoying mereeecans as south Canadians. Game set match

   Good guys with guns are all over the place. because they are to insecure to take matters into their own hands.

   I’m not saying I failed as a parent, I’m just saying my son closes the cereal box without rolling up the bag.

   Whew ... made it through December and managed to stay below Venezuela’s debt level

   Another school shooting? Boy, I'm sure glad I didn't go to school with a bunch of white kids....

   Let me guess. The whistleblower is un patriotic because he was doing what he thought is right for the country, not blind loyalty.

   LOOKING TO PURCHASE A STRIPPER POLE, USED PREFERRED ( I like to lick them ;) :P )