Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I really like this hoity-toity hospital...they have 2 ply Toliet Paper

   How depressing is it to have a freshman start over you in college sports? I mean you worked four hard years!!!!

   Sorry - But I am already married...but thnx for the offer;)

   For a 3 hour breast exam call ...free touchy 1

   V@gina is such an ugly word for ovary cave

   work me harder, makes me better, do me faster makes me stronger.

   If companies embedded subliminal messages in the code for solitaire and angry birds, productivity would go through the roof.

   the weatherman is predicting some frosted flakes in the morning...he better mean breakfast

   You know it's gonna be a long day when you're at DD drive-thru, getting aggrevated that it's taking so long for some to take your order, only to realize that you're waiting in front of the trash barrel..

   Why do people reply to me in other languages? I don't know wtf you're saying. I only speak three languages: English, Parseltounge

   after so much studying , he is going to PASS his BAR tonight!

   wonders why celebrities are so down with getting their pictures taken with them and their kids, yet you give them a relity show and the show revolves around their kids...

   A freak can easily spot a freak even when proffesional business white collar attire

   Wait a couple minutes before you bite into a hotdog that just came out the microwave.

   I like to think I'm an Edward, a really gay British Edward.

   What do you call a Missing Mexican ? ; Hevas Erbefor

   Why do motorcyclists point at the road when they pass each other? Is it a reminder?

   The leader of the Freedom Caucus confirmed to CNN today that they wouldn't vote yes because Trump didn't say "please".

   "He who has not learn to obey, can not be a great leader."

   Anyone else find it funny that during Pride Month, So many people said "why does the military only get one day" but I have not heard Anyone say it today