Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   CREDULOUS FUNFACT: This May is the first month in 422 years to contain SIX Saturdays.

   Pepsi is coming up with Michael Jackson cans in the USA.....In a totally un-related News- Pakistan is coming up with Osama Bin Laden Hookas!....Smoke Away my friends!!!! :)

   (-_(-_(-_(*-_-)_-)_-) (>^_^)> }¡{ Dammiit Dude quit chasing that butterfly & get back over here

   I am fat because of those stupid starving kids in China.

   Was I supposed to write something here?

   People that say the last word in this sentence is my bugaboo.

   Apple is announcing today that they are coming out with a new line of products for pets. The first is for dachsunds. It's called : I touch weiners

   I Once seen an eskimo pee ice cubes...

   What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred c*nts who don't do c*ck.

   Ok now seriously somebody should reeally! 'engineer the electricals' now!

   Sunday night Football on NBC, Al thinks Chris is as gay as can be

   Hi. You haven't seen me much lately. I have a new boyfriend. The one from before who I caught with another girl. But I took him back. So there, h8ers!

   You mean didn't exist I assume.. You're correct.

   This fish I got from the fisherman is off the hook.

   I don’t want to marry Bill Gates because he’s rich. I want to marry Bill Gates so I never have to fix my own computer.

   spiraling out of control, anyone need anything?

   Some people identify as non-binary. That means there are two categories: Binary and non-binary. Therefore, even if you identify as non-binary, you're still binary.

   Drugs are not the answer. Unless the question is "What are you in for?"

   calculating the square root of tomorrow

   Some days you're the turd; some days you're the fly. I'm both every day. - Joe Biden