Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   At the summit breakfast as Boris left the table he said cherrio to Donald who responded no Honey Bunches of Oats.

   To the below: Spoken like a true blue Christian, eh? You must make God so proud.

   ..i blame my typos on my years as a postwoman. Even today I cant help but miss a letter ot two..

   have to go pick up dino and take him to the casino in reno to pick up nino the bambino gambino and then take care of that phillipeno who spit in the Don's cappaccino

   bell out of order, please knock

   Holy Cow! Michael Vick just scored again!

   You can take all my instruments away for making music, but I will always have my heart that makes the beat. Music is always with you, its what you make of it.

   Just said Hi to a person with an ugly smile. I hope there having a good day???

   ack when I flipped burgers at McD's, the big girls always wanted to date me, said I smelled good.

   whats the second quickest thing in the world? Your butthole closing after letting go of a turd.

   What do you call an elevator with a group of slim, softly spoken, intelligent people inside? A lift

   yes ladies we see you checking us out at the gym too. I know when a girl looks at me and gets a little moist.

   I met a girl last night who had Ed Zachary disease. Her snatch smelled Ed Zachary like her a$$...

   If prayers doesn't work, then it's all Obama's fault. Fact!

   If you send me a voice note exceeding 20 seconds, I will consider it a podcast and not listen to it.

   Does anybody know how can I send an "enemy" request on FB?

   Forest Whitaker's left eye has more self-control than I do.

   I don't recall what I can't recall because I can't recall it. Jeff Session

   Ned Flanders at the gym just killing it with diddly squats

   Obituaries always read, “passed away peacefully surrounded by family”, I want mine to read, “died in a blazing glory of incompetence”