Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do any of you read? I was reading the Edgar Allen Poe and there is this guy and he is the devil and there is this other guy and the devil says "I am gonna kill you now" and I don't know but it was really good!

   you have the voice of angel, you sound like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

   preshents to you the ballishtic missile shubmarine Red October

   Good girls go to heaven , Bad girls go everywhere!

   $14.97 cents of hotness. Which means that although my good looks cannot pay my bills they certainly can pay for a pizza which will give me $14.95 cents of temporary gratification and 2 cents to tell you off!

   can we pretend that helicopter in are night sky is not following me, I really wish I hadn't bought that weed, bought of weed...

   I didnt fall for you...i tripped and fell cause your to ugly!!

   I have too much respect for the idea of God to make it responsible for such an absurd world. ~ Georges Duhamel (1884 - 1966)

   if at first you don't succeed, try again until you bleed

   To all the women around the world...Happy International Women's Day!

   The creator of Marhall amplifiers just passed away. I was surprised he was still alive. I thought he only went to '11...

   *Year 2050* Son: “Dad how did you meet mom?” Dad: “Aaah my son… It all started with a Poke on Facebook”.

   I found a video of my parents having sex on their computer, I was sickened. But not as sickened as when I got a hard-on.

   SWAG= Stupid. Wack . Ass. Gangsta'

   Captain dislike came through and hated all the funny things he cant come up with... some one get the bad news bear some f**kin honey

   thinking.......We should be able to text 911, in case were hiding from a cereal killer and don't want them to hear us. 0.o

   "Explain __ in your own words." Ok, ahdjej ejeodokm eiaian eushna fuueoa,

   How to get laid: Lay on bed. Wait 1 hour. Lay becomes past tense.

   I’m not going to judge you if you don't like football because of whatever moronic reason you think you have in your clueless head.

   Did Jesus Christ just win 'Best Supporting Actor' at the Academy Awards?