Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Does any one cares about KKK, white supremacy, Neo-Nazi, illigal immigrants, Confederate Statues in Houston? Just asking for a friend

   My washing machine excites me more than you will ever know !

   How is my Facebooking? call 1-800-DIS-LIKE

   some people have their baby ruths or their michael jordan or wayne gretzky or dan marinos but my idol is adam from man vs. food.

   Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

   On an upcoming episode of "man vs wild" Bear encounters a crododile, shark invested waters and his most dangerous incounter, an out of control jet blue flight attendent.

   the journey of one thousand miles begins with a single cup of coffee

   cleaning out his medicine cabinet of expired prescriptions with a glass of water and several mystery pills at a time.

   When you lie to everyone else. You're only lying to yourself.

   Ladies - Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in nappies (diapers).

   your so vain I bet you think this status is about you

   people who have pitbulls are cowards who havent got the guts to bite people themselves!

   Cinco de Mayo...when we commemorate the sinking of the great Spanish Mayonnaise flotilla which liberated Mexico from the iron grip of the Spanish mayonnaise monopolies...

   is thinking that Facebook must be female. Just when you think you've figured her all out, she change...

   LOVE- Lets Over View Eachother

   the difference between a goon and a goblin

   The light at the end of the tunnel is still on. It's just controlled with a motion sensor to conserve enrgy!

   had a girlfriend with a wooden leg, until he broke it off!

   I eat the green crayon cuz the green one tastes the best!

   Goodbye mistletoe belt bucket....hello mistletoe boxer shorts.