Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I think I want a 3D bigscreen, now I just need 3 grand....

   A penny saved is a penny earned. But its easier just to take from the "Take a penny, leave a penny" jar at the store. Afterall, that's why its there.

   A Pennsylvania woman alleges Donald Duck grabbed her breast and molested her at Epcot Center in Florida after she sought an autograph. Mickey and Minnie witnessed the event. Mr. Duck could not be reached for comment.

   had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall."

   In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

   remember..we are all just human...except Ryan Seacrest...he's a midget alien from Mars.

   is eating mushrooms and chasing white rabbits

   "You can lie to me but, Dont lie to Yourself"

   didn't come to be loved, he came to be hated. From the root to the fruit.

   apple today announced the Ipod for senior citzens ....... its like the Ijitterbug

   gonna be the new poster boy..... for birth control

   sick of talking about herself in 3rd person.

   : Taylor Swift has applied for a patent for her invention of a new musical key.

   Have you ever been so bored you started a rumor about yourself just to argue on the other end of it...

   If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky?

   divorcing her liver and requesting alimony.

   PSA: When you find out it is a snow day, everyone on facebook already knows. Please do your best to refrain from updating your status to "no school" or "snow day". As it does get on my nerves.

   Officer, why did you stop me for speeding? You see all those ahead of me? Clearly their the one's who are the speeders.

   theres only one way to become champion ......... never loose

   Every piece of chocolate I ever ate is getting back at me..desserts are very revengeful..they make sure you land up in the gymjail and weep!