Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The best things in life aren't free, they're 16 bucks a case and either 60 bucks at the cat house or the cost of room and board at home.

   If I were you I'd keep silent.

   why do frogs make a mass exodus across the road when it rains?

   Years ago, my band gigged with a band of morons. The first thing they said to me was, "We're gonna blow you off the stage." I told them, "In that case, right here would be fine."

   Great news! I'm declaring a national strike. Nobody go to work.

   Though I was shuffling at work, turns out it was an earthquake..

   I got blown out in my Fantasy Hurricane League this weekend

   Its times like these that makes me wish I had that BUDWEISER app for my Iphone

   In honor of the Royal wedding coinciding with the release of Fast 5...I liveth my days one furlong at a time. For that fortnight or less, I possess the greatest freedom.

   always seems to have the urge to use the bathroom when asked to do something that involves effort

   You made trendsetting, innovative and brilliant products that most people cannot afford but all the same RIP Steve Jobs.

   Tries to make his burps sounds like a Transformer.

   school sux more d than the girls that attend it

   I totally agree with the person above lets go to Wall Street with our iphones and record....those cops are gonna be on some Rodney King Sh*t

   there a market for a limo "General Lee" where you consume alcohol from a Mason jar and have direct access to a "Dixie" horn? One can only dream...

   sorry folks! All the tickets to the rapture have completely sold out. Better luck next time!

   could go to prison for the things he has typed into his notes app on his Droid

   a snuggie made out of shamwow material.

   Making use of that ''YOU AND so an so'' button. I think It's fun commenting on a status my friend updated last year. That's a good one facebook.

   texting with Jenn Sterger.