Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have come to realize that the only reason I eat taco bell is so I can light my own cigarette with my butthole.

   These Nigerian conmen would actually more victims if they worked on their spelling a little.

   Bored? Call a strange number and tell whoever answers "I'm not paying you to talk!"

   And speaking of my EX,, " Divorce is Strong with this one." >> Darth Vader, Marriage counselor..

   if a cannibal eats a vegetarian does that count as a full course meal?

   I wrote a book called "How to Pick up Girls." Page 1 says: "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of people shrugging. (

   "Whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7) So, why have my wild oats become prunes and bran flakes?

   Other Names kicked around before settling on Great White: 1. Fabulous White 2. Hella White 3. Jumbo White 4. Big Ass White 5. Superb White

   If there's a problem that can't be solved with a freestyle rap battle...Then I want no part of it.

   climbed a tree yesterday and fell... I've finally matured!

   We alll have that one friend that just listens when you need to vent.. Lucky for me it happens to be my girlfriend :)

   Amazing, if you type the word that is your password facebook will turn it into asterisks. It works believe me... my pw is: *******

   zombies, vampires, gory scenes- neither of these scare me in a movie...but what is it about kids just humming along in a white room completely dissilussioned? Scares the s*** out of me!

   dear google, please stop acting like my girlfriend and finishing my sentences and guessing what i`m searching for

   I think at some point a switch flicks in the heads of parents. From "study, study, study" they go "marry, marry, marry".

   Buy a b!tch some high heels and she'll walk all over you in them.

   #fatgirlstrippernames: Dolores Umbridge... and now your life is scarred forever with that mental image.

   I wish some people's clothes were made of Touch Screen Material !! :0)

   Life is like a p*nis, it's short but it seems so long when it gets hard.

   This girl wrote on her status; "I Desperately Need A Boyfriend!" So I commented, “No you need some water coz you sound thirsty!” And now I am deleted.