Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south.

   I have renamed the Victoria's Secret Wonder Bra to the Victoria's Secret Wendy's Bra, because I know when it's real.

   does not like taking surveys. Do you A) Agree B) Somewhat Agree C) Not Agree

   One of the best situations in life is to be in a peer group where one person has a grudge against you, but everyone else really likes you.

   I changed my profile pic to the kids from south park, since it's for the children. Seems appropriate right?

   Why put G20 in heaviest populated city in Canada? It's not like we don't have room anywhere else in the second largest country in the world....

   dont you hate it when your frank stick sticks to your beans?

   Im 100% sure peter pan was an alcoholic

   convinced "The Shake Weight" was invented by a man, so as to give the rest of us guys something fun to watch on TV.

   Beauty is common... significance is rare

   sometimes feels like a booger on the dashboard of life

   the more reasons you hvae for achieving your goal,the more determined you will become

   he who sleeps on the floor will never fall off the bed

   If a doctor ever prescribed you anti depressants its a great chance you don't need a FaceBook

   You know you're a redneck when you go to Walmart and take pictures of yourself.

   Nothing hotter than a trailer trash barbie

   you are like the drummer from REO Speedwagon...nobody knows who you are.

   If you aim right you won't disrupt her sight. Eyes are not cup holders for that stuff

   Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.

   Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.