Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   We all have that one class where when you're absent, you feel like you've missed a year when you come back.

   Life is painful, nasty and short... in my case it has only been painful and nasty.

   Maybe its called Eclipse because they plan on playing a better movie over it, like Bob Villas rendition of how long it takes for paint to dry

   finally decided to Tie the Knot... the Four-in-Hand Necktie Knot - it's really the easiest to tie.

   If at first you don't succeed drink lots of Margaritas and blame that on your inadequacies.

   i used to get money.....actually I was just taking it

   I asked facebook in the help section what exactly is poke?facebook replyed me saying poke is a dirty animal

   i know so many people who wish they were computer geeks now...they pay really well too

   If a person smiles all the time, they're probably selling something that doesn't work.

   Today's productivity is brought to you by Nescafé and fox's biscuits

   Slayed so many dragons, and still no damn princess.

   seriously thinking she was swapped at birth!

   Give back to your community what they claim to have given to you.

   Wishes you the best of luck in life!! Everyone else already knows your screwed!!

   wonders if criminals are starting to catch on that there isn't a lot of crime fighting happening during LOST?

   I do not have the time to listen to you whine, you melodramatic fool!!

   falling off this rollercoaster of boredom and falling into the deep dardk depths of insanity. . .

   "While forbidden fruit is said to taste sweeter, remember, it usually spoils faster."

   Well, New England Patriot, Aaron Hernandez, was thrown into jail this morning. Looks like he's going from a tight end position to a wide receiver.

   How Am I suppost to keep up this "Dreamy Hair",,, With wind's like this? LOL!