Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   if you're gonna be a smart ass, atleast try not to look dumb.

   I'm fed up with my brain remembering crap I'd like to forget and forgetting crap I'd like to remember!

   Spending Christmas in a little town called Red Bud. I'm sure it will be a fine holiday experience.

   Be nice to nerds, Chances are you will be working for them.

   How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

   haha yeah dude she talks about you all the time . .. . . she hates you..

   I remember the day like it was yesterday when I realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights

   Should I say Thank You when someone tell me *You look good TODAY!!!*?

   I was carring my baby cousin and a dragon fly lands on my shoulder in the parking lot. The shoulder that is also the start button for me to go into scream, panic, and drop everything mode

   Thinks Spiders are incredible. Us humans think we are so smart...Lets try shooting silk outta our butts and see what we could make!

   Do you think P.Diddy ever wakes up feeling like kesha ?

   all these pokes I'm getting am I supposed to sound like the pillsbury doughboy

   Facebook your always asking whats on my mind...But what I really want to know is whats on your mind?

   Anybody else have a turkey hangover?

   homework ; do me now! facebook ; don't listen to that slut.

   I'm not superstitious. Stitious, yes, but not in a heightened sense. I am, however, super lazy sometimes.

   If you see any grown man with beads at the end of his braids, please knock his azz TF out

   Parents: You can help fight childhood obesity by stop feeding your child, fatty foods!!

   They say heavy Cell phone use causes brain cancer. Fellas this is a great excuse when she ask why you ain't pick up

   “I changed. People change.” - Michael Jackson