Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

   What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

   bail money, check, mankini, check, whipped cream, check, jelly wrestling for dummies guide book, check, stubbie holder, check, panadole, check......... Cairns here I come.

   it's impossible to fool-proof anything because fools are so ingenious.

   I've been embraced by reality... does anyone know how to make it let go?

   Half of being smart is knowing what you're dumb at.

   If I do enough different things in enough different ways, I may, eventually, do something right.

   NBA rookie of the year was video taped doing 120 mph. In his defense, he claimed that he was being chased by Maury Povich.

   Guys, I know when people die they say to move on. I don't want that. Bury me in a time capsule and dig me up every 10 years. NEVER FORGET!

   As a social experiment next semester, I'm going to walk up to strangers and follow them.

   Hacking and coughing with this cold. If I hack up a lung can it be sold on the black market?

   No meal tastes as delicious as the meal that someone else cooks.

   in financial ruins.. well, i'm off to the mall to buy things that I don't need to make me feel better about my debt. :

   i dont know why but you must confuse me with someone who cares...

   If you have to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".

   Perseverance is not a passive submission to circumstances , it's not passive endurance -it's a strong and actve response to difficult events of life...it's the quality on standing on your feet as you face the storms..it's not simply the attitude on facing

   always right, never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was wrong.

   A new study says humans are psychic, and I'm living proof of it. For example, I can clearly foresee a future where this study is debunked.

   likes reading FML stories because it makes my life seem Amazing!

   loves life; but life thinks we should see other people.