Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   What a great world it would be, if the only complaint was bugs on the windshield.

   Before putting any money down on a championship game, always check with the hat makers, they always get it right.

   Am I the only one that thinks Snookie is starting to look like an Umpa Lumpa from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

   you didn't make it to my present or future cause i'm passed your bullsh*t

   I tripped over the "Hump" in Hump Day and landed face first into Thirsty Thursday. Time to pick myself and my drink up so I can fall into Friday.

   I want a BANG. "Bright Attractive Non-Nagging Girl."

   I bought the new Kurt Cobain Bobble Head doll....but now the d@mn head keeps popping off it.....

   i almost rather burn than have to change my smoke detector battery

   I can't tell the difference between Coke and Pepsi, or right and wrong for that matter.

   when you see her name on dialled , missed and receive calls , you know she is your girl friend

   There's so many ways the world could end. Like maybe Dinosaurs come back from holiday & kill us all.

   BAD DAY I feel like Kylie Minogue - but without the fame, talent or charisma. OMG! I'm Danni Minogue!!

   If you could be sold for what you think you're worth, we could all retire!

   Some people have to realize that not everyone was made with a good singing voice...if they were, life would just be one big musical.

   I understand the nature of humans, so don't bother me with your pedestrian level of intellect......

   have you seen the new Hippie doll? wind it up and it doesn't work.

   When going commando the the word "hurry" should not even be in your vocabulary.. just sayin.

   some people just don't understand sarcasm.

   I just let a disturbance in the force.

   My friend lost his tongue in a industry accident , he doesn't talk about it