Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   doesn't believe you should get so caught up in avoiding lightning, that you miss the storm...

   it's friday the 13th and storming. Not gonna lie, I'm half expecting Jason to come knocking on my door...

   would like very much to learn the swear words of every language......fun!

   JaMarcus Russell has admitted failing a drug test. It's all explained in his new book "Eat Pray Eat Love Eat Chug Purple Drank Eat".

   Mom: With always having to pick up after you kids you'd think I'd be skinny. Kid: Just think how big you'd be if you didn't...

   more awesome than The Miz.

   Just found a real nice cardboard box outside my work... I think I'll quit my job and move in....

   lost my teddy bear.. Will you sleep with me?

   Beauty is in the eye of the BEER holder !!

   Your eyes make the stars look like they're not shining.

   watching reruns of the Biggest Loser and eating a bag of Oreos.

   At the Edinburgh Festival Fringe this year,this was voted as the best one-liner :"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.". Those Scots. What a hilarious bunch they are.

   the limit of the variable approaching perfection.

   s eating out.... At home. ;-)

   kissed a girl, and he liked it...and blames Katy Perry for his imprisonment. She didn't say anything about asking permission.

   someone needs to tell PETA that the White House is a "NO FLY ZONE".

   anyone who says it's as easy as taking candy from a baby, has never tried taking candy from a baby!

   just got his swine flu shot. It's made with real bits of swine, so you know it's good.

   was going to stop procrastinating and be productive today but I think I'll do that later. ;o)

   In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide!! " linkin Park - New Divide"