Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   He floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee......Happy Birthday.....to the LEGENDARY Man Muhammad Ali

   I think the spork would have caught on better if they called it "a forkin' spoon!"

   Double negatives are a no-no.

   If your full name was Elongated Musketeer then you would probably shorten it, too

   I always carry a flute with me in case I see deer or rabbits frolicking in a sunny meadow.

   Me: Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone. I hear you call my name and it feels like home. Priest: I don't believe that is an actual prayer... Me: No, but it's like a prayer.

   Common sense is like a deodorant.......The people who need it most never use it..

   If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?

   I put my pants on just like anyone else; unwillingly.

   Seriously Gas stations need to start having Happy Hours O Something of that sort

   We have a dog so my husband just installed an invisible fence ... I think

   A study says we only use 12% of our brain. Just think how intelligent we would be if we used the other 70%.

   I get paid to be nice to people at work. Why does everybody expect me to do it for free on my own time?

   When I was a kid, my parents told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, this is called "Identity Theft".

   Those Blue Man Group guys need to find some women. I didn’t realize it could spread like that.

   People who blame autocorrect for their mistakes are just finger painting

   Being awake is stupid, nothing good ever comes of it.

   I've been hard at work all day today. I accidentally took a viagra pill in stead of my vitamin this morning.

   My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.

   odd that R. Kelly has a 19 minutes song ... usually he doesnt likes it over 18 ...