Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Do you call Gatorade by the color instead of the flavor. 

   Pizza Hut is selling a pizza with hotdogs in the crust???... Aren't the type of people who order this,, the same people who aren't able to waddle quick enough to answer the door?

   Please stop picturing me naked... I haven't even brushed my teeth yet!

   I'm convinced that anyone driving the speed limit or slower is either 80+yrs. Or has drugs in their car...

   I hate mosquitoes, they're like nature's version of a Jehovah's Witness..........

   I'm not Crazy, I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a Lunatic!!!

   I was just dishonorably discharged from Old Navy.

   Can't we all just learn how to swim?

   Its Soo Hot....The Jehovah Witnesses ain't even out today.

   As boy's we all way's wondered what was in a girl's diary.Now facebook has shown us !!

   Childhood is like being drunk. Everyone remembers what you did, except you.

   What did moths fly into before electricity?

   Just so you know, when you repeat what you just said I won't be listening then either.

   Drive slow and enjoy the scenery . Drive fast and join the scenery.

   Madonna said that there will be no wardrobe malfunctions at this years Super Bowl half time show...ummmm good.

   Decided to clean the kitchen this morning, started with the last of the rum cake. Cleaned that right up. Decided that was enough cleaning for today..

   The Muppets would have been so much better if Kermit had been voiced by John Wayne.

   1:00pm *Hears noise* "Hmm I wonder what that was..." 1:00am *Hears noise* "OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO BE MURDERED!"

   I'm gonna get one of those giant, old-timey bicycles. You know the type, where if you tipped over you fell 20ft. and died..... yeah,,one of those

   Dear People, Please stop all the period jokes. Sincerely, Everyone's Ovary Acting