Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I already finished my chocolate bunny. Next year I want a chocolate moose.

   Fun fact: Hostess Twinkies are 88 years old. (4/06/30) They were first filled with banana cream filling. But change to a vanilla cream filling do to a banana rationing during WW II.

   "I'd love to be your widow, someday" - me flirting

   ;) A mistress is someone between a mister and a mattress

   Welcome to Assumption club I think we all know why we're here...

   Parenthood is the scariest Hood you will ever go through.

   If people would just give ugly people a chance and date them too, catfishing wouldn't be a thing.

   Word of the Day: Hippocampus - A college or university where a significant number of students are overweight.

   I believe in Santa! but I'm not so sure if he believes in me?

   Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

   I don’t even care who wins this Maroon 5 concert

   Ladies in Atlanta this weekend, every big dude is not an NFL player, don't get knocked up by the cook from Waffle House

   I want to go big AND go home.

   What kind of psycho wears pants in their own home?

   filled the lip gloss with crazy glue, it is gonna be a quiet and peaceful week for sure.

   Dude! That cross-eyed girl at the bar is looking at you...... And me...

   Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, "Who's Siri?"

   Hey, little regular fry in with my curly fries. Just be yourself, buddy.

   Findings from meetings and conferences: "The only thing that often comes out of a meeting is the people who went in."

   RIP Chewbacca aka Peter Mayhew. I’d like to say a few words if I may. RAAARAWWARARWAAAR.