Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   in your extended dreams

   wondering if she left the gas on ....and the lighter on

   swimming like a sperm with a purpose!

   not suitable for children!!!!!

   still sore from dropping the soap

   wondering why x is referring to x self in 3rd person

   just bought another load of laundry at Kohl's..

   ENGAGED!! ..........in a good cause

   Training for the next Olympic games

   "going to snap, crackle, and pop your neck"

   Never expecting the unexpected making the unexpected the expected

   Scientifically proven not to induce insanity in chimpanzees

   "so adjective, he verbs nouns"

   walking on sunshine.

   Used To Be Schizophrenic? But They're OK Now.

   the epitome of excellence.

   knew the aliens would let him go sometime.

   melting in your mouth not in your hands

   sick and tired of always being sick and tired!

   [censored]