Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   a serial status changer....

   now available with a bonus DVD; containing deleted scenes and 2 theatrical trailers

   a Great source of Protein

   trying to wipe with plastic wrap.

   My Love Life is currently like NCAA mens Basketball, Its down to the FINAL FOUR! But My Wife has the homecourt Advantage!

   compulsively obsessed with OCD

   if nothing goes right.... go left!

   silence is gloden, but duct tape is silver.

   doesn't make mistakes, she dates them

   amazed at the alarming drop-out rate of sky diving classes

   the alpha and omega....

   may contain nuts.

   happier than a redneck driving a racecar

   not FDA approved yet

   wondering when will he ever learn the answer to lifes problems arent at the bottom of a bottle, theyre on facebook!!!!!

   found Wonka's last golden ticket!

   divulging his mind in the complexities of th... oooh look a kitty!

   used to have super powers but the psychiatrist took them all away.

   beating his record for consecutive days alive !

   believes in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it