Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   pondering some of life's great mysteries. Like, why are we here?, is there life on Mars? and why doesn't Donald duck wear pants?

   leting his eye lashes hug each other for few hours.

   happy that the Statute of Limitations has finally expired, and he can finally admit that he is, in fact, the one who let the dogs out.

   doing the Helen Keller and talking with her hips.

   single...and you're going to have to be freakin' awesome to change that!!

   such a thrill seeker. when I see "caution wet floor" signs, I speed up.

   waited patiently in line for 'free willy', only to discover it was a film!

   ... This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting...

   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

   ...They called it 'PMS' because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken....

   ...Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines...

   ...Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm...

   thinks you should know that you don't HAVE to be crazy to be my friend...but it helps!!

   now friends with Mili Vanilli

   versatile..........put him in any position and he will always perform

   just saved alot of money on his car insurance by threatening his agent with a golf club!

   You're not invited to the party in my pants because you don't know the difference between your and you're.

   : Aspire to Inspire before you Expire!

   just Googled his Twitter all over your Facebook

   will write you a love song unlike that Sara Bareilles b**ch