Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   keeping his hands clapping and his pecker in his pants...

   ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶*´¨`* That's me granting you a wish. Simply comment your wish below and poof...you got it! LOL....

   insists that EL Cucuy lives in her closet!

   IF SOMEBODY SENDS ME ONE MORE FARMVILLE INVITE THEN I WILL KILL YOU'RE ANIMALS AND SET FIRE TO YOU'RE CROPS!!!!!!!!!

   BREAKING NEWS - Obama just won an Oscar for watching a movie!

   no problems with buying tampons. I am a fairly modern man. But apparently they're not a "proper" present. "Happy birthday, mum!"

   My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her, so I said "Alright, fatty."

   wondering why people think bartenders care about your misrable life. We dont! Now leave some cash and be on your way!

   's dad asked him for a balloon ride, but he said "No, I don't wanna be a hoax"

   thinks people should stop dreaming about Happily Ever After and be Happy Just Now. Forever ~ ✿ ♬ ☮

   Some days I'm not sure whether I am a Catholic or an angry Protestant!

   Synonym - a word one uses when you can't spell the other one!

   Dr, Seuss is my favorite rapper! Cat - Hat....sheer genius!

   refuses to vacuum anymore until they make a ride-on

   a four time olympic gold medal winner, and a compulsive liar

   walking sideways and thinking..... I should have had a V8

   Breaking news - snow white has been thrown out of Disneyland after sitting on Pinocchio's face singing "tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies"

   trying to decide whether Scooby Snacks or a can of Popeye's spinach would help more in a fight

   needs a new fitness plan... LMAO is not making my pants fit any better

   You have the right to remain silent, because whatever you say will probally be stupid !!