Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Theres a party tonight. Climb my leg and you can have a ball..

   You're not a douche because you paint your face and dress up with spikes on your shoulder pads, you're a douche because you're a Raiders fan!!!

   heard Tiger Woods drive hit a sprinkler head and then went into the trees.

   thinking..Tiger driving and hitting trees is nothing new, but I will bet he hasn't hit one off a fire hydrant before.

   worried that my latest Salvation Army donation will result in homeless people looking like sluts from the 90s

   if you're single and unhappy, try being married!

   wonders why there is no swine flu in Iran and asks if it is because of veils or not

   Former Cuban leader Fidel Castro is reportedly a huge fan of President Obama and thinks he'd doing a great job. Boy, Obama hasn't had PR this good since the Rev. Wright was campaigning for him. Maybe he can get Gaddafi to say something nice too.

   Horse racing is just like NASCAR only slower.....and with poop.

   ..has Claustrophobia. She's afraid of Santa Clause.

   Chocolate is the answer to EVERYTHING!

   Character cannot be developed in peace and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved

   ... all in all we're just another brick in the Wal(Mart).

   What is it with the absent reference status messages. When people say things like "I can't believe you would do that" or anything with "You know who you are." We don't and frankly, we don't care. It's just you posting your drama filled life up to generate

   uses the exclamat!on po!nt a l!ttle too much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

   some people call it Thanksgiving Day.....I call it "Bitc* Slap Vegetarian" Day

   to belittle is to be little.

   blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.

   anger is only one letter short of danger

   In hindsight...maybe telling the whole family while we were pulling names for christmas grab bag that I was going to be getting into directing porn was not really the ideal time to do so....I did however draw Grandma Gertrude though!!!!