Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   can't figure out why the Toyota Prius owners would be worried about brakes, since the car can't go fast enough to hurt anything anyway.

   thinks Obama could help solve the Toyota crisis by raising the federal speed limit to 120 mph

   Disney World : A people's trap operated by a mouse.

   hates it when he asks someone a question and they start their answer with "Honestly?"......No! Please lie to me, that's what I was hoping for.....idiots!

   wishing he had bought his ex the Toyota Prius she was always wanting!

   misses the good old days of giving a box of heart's saying I want to get down with you in so many words!"

   Best part of my life is chocolate ice cream

   Know your limitations people! Just because the item says "one size fits all" doesn't mean you should try to fit your big a$$ in to it....just sayin'

   I'm just trying to help everyone with the hacker post. I had a guy named Phua Soon Hock trying to hack me!

   Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.

   ..thinks you look fabulous! Who did it and how much?

   a cookbook is like a Danielle Steele novel for chubby girls....

   putting his left foot in and taking his left foot out - but he is NOT doing the hokie pokie, he's killing roaches...

   lives with fear everyday. Sometimes she lets him go fishing....

   wakes up grumpy, but most days he just lets her sleep....

   You've heard of the "Soup Natzi"?.....But have you heard of the "FACEBOOK NATZI"? If you've ever had to delete a comment....you have! No more FACEBOOK FOR YOU!

   If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see the Jersey Shore cast crossing the street, HIT THE GAS! **DISCLAIMER** IF YOU ARE THE OWNER OF A TOYOTA IT IS NOT RECOMMENDED THAT YOU HIT THE GAS. DOING

   we always knew who the fat parents were picking up in elementary school

   can never be accused of being "high maintenance". Whatever you are cooking for breakfast is fine with him. Just make it snappy, okay? Let's go! Chop Chop!

   If you see a animal stuck in a trap, free them. If you see a child crying, comfort them. If you see the Jersey Shore cast crossing the street, HIT THE GAS!