Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   wonders how we are so concerned with automobile safety (airbags, crumple zones, antilock brakes), yet some will jump on an open sled from the 1870's and go 90 mph down a channel without a second thought!

   England's oldest postman retired today after 40 years in the service. Friends and family lined up to wish him good luck in his retirement. He told them to go to the next window.

   staring at you...yes, you....the one reading this status....yeahh..hey there mistah mistah. ^-^

   thinking if they didnt Screw the fifth flame, the Olympic would be more interesting :D

   - Rumor has it that Terrance and Phillip will be lighting the Olympic Flame tonight in Vancouver.

   thinks the Winter Olympics would be a lot more interesting if they gave the spectators shotguns and told them to shoot at the skiers! There'd be more speed records that's for darn sure.

   The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

   sees that Toyota Prius are sponsoring the Georgian Luge Team

   wonders if that Luge sled was designed by Toyota.

   a voice in his head. I ask it yes and no questions, and it answers

   sympathesizing with those who absolutely hate to waste SO much of their time by NOT placing a new roll of toilet paper onto the holder for the next person. She understands the stress one must go through in order to avoid this strenuous task!

   Either you're in or you're out! There's no in-between. . . unless you are doing the Hokie Pokie

   Captin Obvious and general stupidty Are in the same army

   Does not play well with other's

   Screw the economy! I got a job for you, but it blows...

   and thats when the fart prank went wrong

   When playing "Got your nose," make sure the victim is 1) willing to play, 2) that you're not at a urinal and 3) that it's their nose.

   Who will light the torch in Vancouver tonight? Wayne Gretzky, Paul Shaffer, Geddy Lee?

   how come everytime someone on TV says there's gonna be snow, people go nuts and rush to the supermarket and buy food as if the snow is gonna keep people from stuffing themselves in their homes. Does snow make people more hungry or something??

   woke up this morning feeling like P-Diddy