Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   practise safe lunch, use a condiment!

   Men Fart more Than Women Simply Becasue Women Can't Shut Up Long Enough To Build Up The Required Pressure !!!

   Dear Lord You have taken away my favourite actoress britney Murphy favourite Singer Mj and my favourite spokesman billy mays I just wanna say my favourite singer is lil wayne

   believes that if you tellyour boss what you really thinkof him, the truth will set youfree.

   I've always wondered iffilm directors wake up screaming"CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" whenthey have nightmares.

   just received a coupon inthe mail: Buy one sock, get oneFREE! While socks last.

   Statistically 5/4 of peoplehave trouble with fractions.

   in front of his home with every electric fan he owns blowing upward, in a defiant act against Mother Nature.....Enough with the snow lady, just go watch "The Waltons" reruns until Spring......

   just became a fan of I KNOW YOUR A FAN OF "GET A NOTIFICATION OF WHO VIEWED YOUR PROFILE" SO I AM GOING TO CLICK ON YOUR PROFILE PAGE 400 TIMES A DAY TO GIVE YOU FALSE HOPE OR TO THINK I AM CYBER STALKING YOU...

   Its Friend Deletion Day.... Any Volunteers???????

   thinks it's funny that Evolutionists believe enough million monkeys will eventually type out a literary work. Facebook has proven this wrong.

   a really bad case of the fuckits today!

   saw a suburban 'biker' (Ha!) with a sticker on his helmet that said "Americans Never Forget". He then thought about people clamoring for Sarah Palin to be President and thought to himself "Americans DO forget. Oh, yes indeed, they do.".

   ǝןƃuɐ ʇuǝɹǝɟɟıp ɐ ɯoɹɟ pןɹoʍ ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooן ɐ ƃuıʞɐʇ

   I think the statistic that a man thinks about sex every 45 seconds is completely made up, and furthermore I find it insulting!!!.........................it's more like every 15 seconds......;-)

   All mankind's inner feelings eventually manifest themselves as an outer reality.

   ~Hint to the obvious~ If a fan page or group requires you to invite all your friends on your friend list, it will not do what it promises, unless it promises to piss off your friends.

   I don't mind helping out Haiti but please...stop insisting they need more money. They don't... figure out a way to spend the rest of the $500 million and then talk to me about how "bad off" they are.

   "My wife had her driving test today. She got 8 out of 10. The other two guys jumped clear." Rodney Dangerfield.

   glad that we have today to appreciate such great Presidents as Millard Fillmore, Franklin Pierce, Benjamin Harrison, Rutherford Hayes, and of course... Warren G. Harding.