Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   If curling is a sport in the Winter Olympics, how come shuffleboard is not a sport in the Summer Olympics?

   thinks that unless you people can come up with a better idea...she'll be giving up her vow of celibacy for Lent this year

   thinks instead of coffee at work, we need to have nice warm glasses of shut the hell up

   The true art of procastination is picking the correct task to put off that will eventually not need to be done anymore.

   going for Gold in the Men's Uphill Giant Slalom....Gravity is a B*tch!

   Cats are smarter than dogs, you'll never see 8 cats pulling some dumb a$$ through the snow!!

   Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but doesn't get you anywhere.

   The hardest part about moving forward is not looking back.

   Sometimes you have to smile... Pretend everything's okay. Hold back the tears, And just walk away.

   Every day is Fat Tuesday for me because I'm Fat =(

   doesn't want you to be upset that I want to punch you in the face, be flattered that I want to touch you at all.

   Yo mamma so fat that when she lays on the beach, Green Peace try to push her back into the water.

   if there is one flaw in women, it is this...they forget there worth and how remarkable they truly are!

   ..after watching the Brit Awards,thinks that Cheryl has got to try,try,try,try,try to lip sync a bit better..

   Please dont poke me if you a guy...Thx!

   I saw a U.F.O at a football game the other night. It was just hangin there! And then it sent me a message,in big bright shiny letters. It told me I was gonna have a good year.

   Hey! It's called facebook, a social networking site, NOT faithbook, a cram your religious beliefs down my throat site. Hiding!

   A Foolish Man tells a Woman to "Shut Da Hell Up", but a Wise Man tells Her That her Mouth is Extremely Beautiful When Her Lips are Closed.

   Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic

   To my fb friends that are addicted to farmvillle or farmtown or whatever it is...If you didn't notice, I do not participate~ However if you feel the need to send me things, in my real world, I could use a mansion on the beach with 3 maids, 1 cook, at leas