Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinking about everyone who came into my life and made it better... thanks! :)

   If they took all porn from the internet,all that would remain is a Facebook group called " Bring the Porn Back!"

   Someone stole all my Credit Cards but, I won't be Reporting it.....The Thief spends Less than my Wife did.

   * Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.

   Time is money. If you want to save on one it will cost more of the other!

   why is it that most men think that women drivers are rubbish when most women were taught to drive by a man in the first place..

   Have you ever had one of those bad days when you felt like you were the thong and the world was Rosie O donnell?

   just passed an INCOMPETENCE test with flying colors!

   , if love isn't a game then why are there so many players?

   The only thing I won't eat for breakfast is lunch and supper!

   Love is blind. Hate is deaf. You'd think Stupid would be mute but I keep on talking.

   If actions speak louder than words,then why can't I hear mimes?

   Stealth Abs - When your ripped six pack is covered by a layer of fat.

   My Imaginary friend asked he could bring his Imaginary friend round, but I thought 3 was a crowd so I said no!

   On 1 August 1981, MTV played the 1st music video "Video Killed the Radio Star". On Feb. 23 1992 "(18 years ago today) MTV played the 1st reality show "the Real World New York" and so began a metaphorical song "Reality Killed the Video star"!

   thinking that the Canadian ice dancers did something that their hockey team couldn't do: beat the U.S....

   when you're in a hole, it's best to stop digging

   I think I just solved our health care crisis. Everybody eat one apple every day.

   does Charlie Daniels play a mean fiddle

   ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ