Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   thinks that Obama may just get into the Guiness Book of World records for "Most People Screwed in a Single Day"...

   A smile is like tight underwear ... it makes your cheeks go up

   life is a book.with .many chapters some are hard to get through some are easy but you have to keep turning the page to get to the next adventure..

   .....why does bottled water have a use by date on it if it's been trickling down mountains for hundreds of years???

   there should be an International STFU Day. One day that you can tell anyone who's annoying you to just SHUT THE F**K Up! Without consequence.

   our finger prints last forever on the people we touch

   3 interviews lined up...woot woot, and they say there's no jobs!

   Not ALL Americans are upset about this Healthcare bill, but we are TIRED of all the unneccessary insults and complaining without any solutions. You can't complain if you don't have a solution. SIMPLY PUT! At least SOMETHING was done!

   ...Can someone to tell me why there is braille on drive thru ATM machines. Am I missing something here??

   It would make your mother proud if you could NOT, walk, talk, spell, and wear your damn pants like you were raised by a rap video your whole life.

   You ever wonder what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?

   When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets

   You can do a thousand GOOD things and a a hundred GREAT things. But if you do just one BAD thing, people will remember you for that.

   WHY DO OLD PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEY GOT ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD, BUT YOUNG PEOPLE DRIVE LIKE THEIR DAYS ARE LIMITED....?

   never made a fool of any guy that I dated. But then again, I the guys I dated were the "do it yourself" types.

   My second favourite household chore is laundry. My first favourite is being hit in the head repeatedly by the ceiling fan blades until I faint.

   Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything.

   thinking about the similarities between men and soap operas. They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

   ...and then Buffy staked Edward. The end

   using the copy machine at work today. Thought to myself, "Gee, this thing reminds me of men. It's only good for reproduction."