Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Your mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed just to measure how long she slept.

   MoooooooM tell Boredom to leave me the F#ck Alone!!!!!!

   £1|{3 0h m¥ 90Ð (4n ¥0µ $p34|{ 3n9£1$h

   brought sexy back. I was charged a 10% restocking fee.

   dirty litte mind is on Active Duty today

   I Dont Care If You're A Gangster, Pull Up Your Pants Please!

   --- I hate farmers, the're always spreading sh*t

   People reckon I'm too patronising (that means I treat them as if they're stupid).

   heard that Tiger Woods just sent Jesse James a Thank You note... and a bottle of penecillen.

   You know what they say,so I wont tell you

   I really hope I live to see my funeral

   There is a chalk outline being drawn around common sense, and most people cannot even identify the victim

   I feel sorry for Justin Bieber, everyone picks on her.

   thinks McDonald's should start selling a deep fried pickle covered in batter. They can call it the McDillDough.

   Thanks to all my FB Friends, for once again, reminding me it's Friday. This is also FB Spring Cleaning Weekend. Time to remove all the apps, polls, fan pages, pictures and friends you just don't need or want anymore.

   says Once a cobra bit Bear Grylls' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

   it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?

   When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.

   I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

   I saw the commercial for Southwest that advertized "Bags Fly Free" and I thought it said "Fags Fly Free". I got sooo excited for a minute!